Pride

My grandmother took
Pride
In the fact that
We were
English.

In a French-speaking Canadian province, our family name
Stood
For all those great
Anglo Saxon
Values our
People
Grew up on.

I don't believe she ever visited
England in her
Lifetime.

As a child, I thought her
Pride
Was
Carved In Stone
And this made it hard for us to approach her in a
Heart-felt... manner.

As an adult, I wonder whether
It (that Pride)
Was rather a cloak
That covered an
Unspoken Yearning
To feel more important
Than she normally
Did.

Insignificant beings
That
We are.

Back on Key

I've got over my disappointment at having stupidly erased all my documents last month. The first change in activity was to make up a few collages.

This one was inspired by waves and wood. Many years ago, I had the thrilling experience of flying over Greenland while the sky was clear and springtime had just arrived. What was startling was to see the various wave motions embedded into the glacier formations. I had never thought that solid mass could be flowing movement as well.

Ghost from the Past

About 18 years ago, I became acquainted with a woman who had been laid off from the company I worked at. This short acquaintanceship taught me a painful lesson about naivety and ignorance.

After having met with her a few times, I hired her to come and clean my apartment once a week. She was very thankful for this additional source of income and all went well for a few months. After a while I began to miss a few items. Since I am a very forgetful type of person, I didn't think anything of it. It was only after she suddenly stopped coming to clean (having given the most weak of excuses) that I began to make the connection of missing items to times she came to clean.

A horrible moment of realisation about how stupidly naive I had been, came when I went into my cupboard and took down my jewelry box. It should have contained all the jewelery I received as a child in Venezuela and the pieces I had inherited from my grandmother. I found it empty.

I haven't thought of the lost jewelry in many years, until yesterday when the woman came into the Oxfam shop when I was working there. She didn't recognise me. It has been nearly twenty years after all. I'm probably only one of many people she stole from in her life. Yet, I recognized her for she's the only one whose stolen from me.

It would be nice to say that I felt forgiveness towards her, but I didn't. Instead, I just felt this leaden dullness in my heart. The whole episode was like a visit of a ghost from the past.

Breath of Winter

Winter breathes cold silver slivers upon the skeletons of grass blades and faded summer leaves.

Speak Out

Annie Leonard created the really interesting series Story of Stuff. Now she's looking into the Cap and Trade practices.



I think she clearly states her argument and expresses her worries well. What about you?

Wisdom Comes with 65

WISDOM Trailer from Andrew Zuckerman Studio on Vimeo.

It's a quiet Saturday morning. I'm on my way to (volunteer) work at the Oxfam shop. This is something I do once a week and every few months, on a Saturday as well. Looking at this video, it made me think of some of the older customers who come into the shop daily to look around and see what new items we've put on the selves. I wonder what each would say about wisdom, or what piece of advice they would like to pass down to the younger generations.

Do enjoy.

Difference of Opinion

Just watched these two videos today. Both concern the US as a leading superpower, but both presenters are of different opinions about the chances of US continuing to be a leading power.



The presentation above given by Robert Guest is a Washington correspondent for The Economist. This presentation is funny at times, but it's center argument does not quite convince me as much as Hans Rosling's presentation, which is equally funny presentation.



This could well be because I just love numbers and the numbers Hans Rosling presents so clearly demonstrate the connection and plausibility.

Knowledge and Acknowledgement

Paul Van Zyl is a South African who has spent his career working with human rights issues. In the presentation he gave recently at the Pop Tech! conference, he speaks eloquently about why Americans should undertake a proper and public reckoning about the torture and other forms of abuse carried out in the name of the global war on terror by the Bush administration.



The presentation is not a presentation, as much as, it is a moving speech that convincingly and, at times, beautifully articulates how South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission enabled this country to move forward into democracy after years of apartheid.

So much of what he says moved me to tears, here is just on quote of his speech,

“It was through this process of testimony and revelation that our country began to move from knowledge to acknowledgement. It is one thing to know that crimes occurred, it’s quite different to acknowledge that they were wrongful and to promise never to allow them to happen again.”

Taking Baby Steps

These last weeks have been filled with various work on various projects. Most of the work seems like a hard build up to a specific goal and then a long tail slug afterwards to get all the odds and ends collected and properly put in place. Thought I'd write about some of the stuff I've been involved in:

The group I work with in Kenya, has finally received the money from the charity tea party and various other donations (bank here sent the funds to Mombasa and not to Nairobi). If all goes well, they will buy 5 drip irrigation kits this week and head up to Kimilili on Friday and hold two best business training workshops this weekend. I am kind of excited because another women's co-op from Kitale is also attending one of the workshops and they will receive one of the drip irrigation kits for their community. It is our hope that once the two communities see what drip irrigation is all about they might find the means to make their own DIY systems.

I've (finally) finished writing a project proposal for our Gardening Vocational Training Program. This is a program targeted towards women's co-ops and our youth project group. We want to set up a garden project where groups work in collaboration learning and implementing "modern" sustainable agriculture techniques. (The reason I say "modern" is that many of these methods, such as polyculture, mulch systems, organic composting, etc. were techniques western countries took away from indigenous farming cultures in developing countries over the last 70 years. It is ironic that we are in the position of trying to reintroduce these techniques back into those countries so many years later.) The project proposal is for approx. 8,000 USD for the purchase of land and materials (e.g. treadle pump and drip irrigation systems). If anyone knows of an organization that might fund such a project please send me a link.

We are in the process of setting up a clean cooking fuel small-scale business co-op between the Makerere University in Uganda and various rural communities. This project is going to take a while to develop because we haven't the proper technology as yet. We are trying to establish a pilot project to make clean burning cooking briquettes out of bio-waste (e.g. maize cobs or sugar cane). These briquettes burn nearly smokeless and set out no toxins and save on the need to burn wood. I'm still at the stage of trying to figure out the technology needed and set up a feasible collaborative business model. The outline of the project currently is to have a) a youth vocational training program that mass produces and sells the corn cob crushers (a wooden box with a coarse roller to crush the charcoal bits), b) a central briquette-making press where people can come with their crushed charcoal and make the cooking briquettes, and c) a series of small-scale businesses to sell the cooking briquettes at markets.

We are trying to set up a NGO so that we can do all the project work mentioned above more formally. This would mean that those individuals who contribute donations or micro-loans would be able to make them tax deductible. It would also mean that we could approach more organisations and foundations for funding.

My son managed to hand in a research paper titled, Web 2.0 Revolution (Consequences for Corporations), last week. This was a volunteer paper he researched and wrote in the hope of improving his final grade when he graduates from high school next June. I volunteered to yield the whip to get him to set up a schedule, work on the paper regularly, and not get preoccupied with all sorts of other activities. This was not an easy task, nor one that I did with any grace or sense of authority. Contrarily, it consisted of a great amount of petty hysterics, long plea bargainings, and mini breakdowns on my part.

Time to go off to the office...

Take a Moment

Take a moment and watch Michael Pollan's presentation about non-sustainable and sustainable food systems. Not only is the information he presents very interesting, the presentation itself is a masterpiece.

On a personal note, I unfortunately and stupidly erased all the documents on my computer a week ago and have been struggling unsuccessfully to retrieve the files. As you can imagine, the effort needed to try and retrieve the data has been extensive. I have not been commenting, nor writing on my blog as a result, though I have been reading and appreciating your blog posts.

Perfect Moment

Perfect moment to a quiet start to my work day. William Hoffman's film set a gentle accent.

Lost Luggage Claim #2

Passenger’s Name: Mr. Leaving It All Behind
Date: 09.09.1999
Point of Departure: Friday afternoon after a dull and frustrating week on the road selling supplies to gas station managers
Final Destiny: the Easy Life, Tyrell Bay, Carriacou, the West Indies

Listing of “Then” Luggage Content:

• Baccalaureate Certificate, majors in history and geography (level mediocre)
• Six seasonal regional ski passes for Davos-Klosters, Switzerland
• Ski instructor id for the Silvretta Parkhotel, Klosters, Switzerland
• Acceptance letter to the University Lumière Lyon 2 in their business and economics program
• Cancellation letter at University Lumière Lyon 2 due to lack of attendance at the end of the first year
• Stub receipts for heliskiing at Whistler (B.C), Jackson Hole (Wyoming), Breckenridge (Colorado), Pyramid Mountain (Alaska), Valle Nevado (Chile), and Riksgränsen (Sweden)
• Various photos of different topless or skimpy bikinied female guests on deck of their Mediterranean sailboat charter with him as captain
• Letter of boat owner firing him as captain of above mentioned boat for inappropriate drunken behaviour
• Full-time work contract as product supplier at his uncle’s gas station franchise
• Copy of a monthly travel expense report, including: summary of mileage driven (10,478 km), gas stations supplied (76), bad meals eaten (63), hung overs suffered (31), coffee drunk (27.41 l), cigarettes smoked (520), beers (153) and shots of whiskey (96) drunk, time spent doing something remotely interesting (0 min.), chances of being promoted any time in the next ten years (null)
• Only source of fun: going to bars, drinking too much, chatting up young women and regaling them with old stories about the grand days of him heliskiing around the world

Listing of “Now” Luggage Content:

• A modest sum of money acquired by selling all of his worldly goods and also the house he inherited from his grandparents in La Rochelle
• One-way plane ticket to Carriacou
• Slick high tech smart phone with the ring tone from an 80s Bacardi Rum commercial
• A backpack full of electronic gadgets
• DIWA diving instructor certificate
• Preconceptions of what the Easy Life is and how one goes about living it
• The ethical and moral values of a lizard
• Predisposition towards drinking too much cheap alcohol and smoking too much weed
• Plump certainty of successful sexual quests with local women, as well as passing female tourists

Passenger’s Complaint:

All items of my “Now” luggage have been stolen by the locals. Everyone is smiling and appearing friendly, but on one is really concerned about helping me out of present predicament. I have no means of making a living other than living off female tourists who I despise, but whose pockets run deep. Currently, acting as captain on a large flashy American motor cruiser. The wealthy owner’s wife likes to watch me kite surf half-naked. Unspoken agreement that she is allowed look, but not touch, which I am thankful of since she is old and ugly.

Officer’s Statement:

Passenger suffers under a ridiculous unwarranted sense of self-importance and privilege. The items he claims were stolen were wastefully spent or destroyed through neglect. Accusations, complaints, and angry alterations voiced towards or about local residents are increasing in their regularity. This indicates an increase in paranoia and disillusionment with his life situation. We are all waiting patiently for him to leave the island and leave us in peace. When he does leave, he will leave friendless, despite having lived here ten years

Mood Picker Upper

I dare you not to smile!

Smart Design

Just love this minimalist nativity set by artist Oliver Fabel. The set is available in German and in English. Oddly, I was talking to my daughter yesterday about how much she is looking forward to Christmas. She does live in a household of Scrooges, which doesn't always make it easy for her to live out her Xmas fantasies. Unfortunately, she's not old enough to get the joke, if I was to give her this nativity set as a gift. It would cut too close to the bone of our inadequacies to fulfil her expectations.

Lost Luggage Claim #1

Passenger’s Name: Dr. Political Exil
Date: 06.06.1990
Point of Departure: outside the Damascus police headquarters after a 24-hour interrogation
Final Destiny: Lahti, Finland towards a vague promise of employment at the Lahti General Hospital

Listing of “Then” Luggage Content:

• Certificate of General Medicine from the University of Medicine and Pharmacy of Sofia, Bulgaria
• Stamped governmental form allowing Bulgarian citizen the permission to marry a foreigner from the Bulgarian Ministry of Foreign Affairs
• Marriage certificate issued by the civil status official who held the ceremony at the Sofia civil wedding hall
• Wedding photo of bride, groom, mother-in-law, father-in-law and grim looking civil status official holding obligatory glasses filled with champagne
• Airplane stub from flight back to Damascus, Syria
• List of invited guests, who attended celebration of passenger’s return after finishing his 8 years of university studies in Bulgaria
• Passenger’s grandmother’s engagement ring and gold bracelet presented to the young bride of her much-loved grandson to welcome his bride into their family
• A map of Bulgaria with all the train routes drawn in detailed and miniature red flags pinned to all of the trains his father-in-law rode as chief locomotive driver in the national railway company.
• Confirmation of a full-time position in the internal medicine department at the Central Hospital of Damascus
• Copy of mother-in-law’s travel itinerary for her first visit to Damascus
• Bank statement of available funding for down payment on their new home

Listing of “Now” Luggage Content:

• Nightmarish memories of 24-hour interrogation at police headquarters
• Unfathomable relief for being released temporarily, mixed with the dull certainty that the police would take him into custody again soon
• Intense guilt, knowing that his wife’s premature labour was caused by her panic that he’d be taken and transported to one of the detention centres in northern Syria, never to be heard from again (as happened to three of his fellow students who studied with him in Bulgaria)
• Joy and relief of the successful birth by caesarean of his darling daughter
• The terror of having to leave the country 3 days later to avoid further interrogations
• The endless tears shed by his parents and siblings upon the announcement of his departure; knowing he could no longer communicate with them for risk to their lives
• The stone weight on his heart not knowing whether he would ever see his family again
• A letter of intent from the head of administration at the Lathi General Hospital assuring the immigration authorities about their willingness to employ Dr. Political Exil
• A letter of sponsorship from fellow Damascus doctor living in Lathi to immigration authorities

Passenger’s Complaint:

“Now” luggage piece became permanently lost when my wife stepped out of the train in Rostock, as it waited to board the ferry to Finland. She just needed a bit of fresh air, after being cramped in their train department for over three days while travelling through Europe. She was ignorant of the fact that by stepping on German soil she voided any possibility of us immigrating to Finland.

Officer’s Statement:

Passenger and family were transported back to Germany from Finland immediately after it was made known of passenger’s wife having stepped out of train in Rostock harbour. Passenger and family claimed political asylum. Luggage was lost at this time.

The following situation ensued: 6 years as political refugees, 8 years working as nurse on closed ward in a geriatric facility, 2 year re-qualification program of medical certification, 3 years of temporary hospital postings, recent entry into specialty studies at University Hospital of Rostock.

Luggage never retrieved. Claim case closed.

My friend, Ann

The reason that I love my childhood friend, Ann, is because while I am a porcupine in my extended family, a fierce mother bear in my immediate family, a chicken with my head cut off at work, but, Ann, she calls me a lamb. A lamb. What is nicer than that?

Not Gone as much as Not Available

Things are picking up with various projects. The funding for two further workshops in Kimilili at the end of the month is assured. We have two business and economic graduates, Millicent and Ericah, offering to be instructors for the two best business practice workshops in Kimilili, Kenya. We also are blessed to have two local supervisors, Wilfred and Samuel, to oversee the farming and garden training afternoon sessions.

My Lost Luggage series is in the works (new computer!).

As is various activities for a radio-dial-up mobile phone news update system, I have been working on for the last six months. So, please know that I may not be available at this time, but I am very much here!

Blog Action Day 2009

I remember a time when I could blissfully board a plane and fly down to the country of my heart, Grenada, or another country of my dreams on a whim. I remember a time when riding to work every day on my bicycle was an alternative lifestyle rather than a ecological political statement. There was a time when being a vegetarian was about salads and stir-fried vegetables and not about the environmentally wasteful complexities of producing meat. There were ocean crossings and long coastal cruises where I believed in the omnipotence of nature's divinity and punitive influnences of the human race.

Yet, in the proceeding decades so much has changed. So much is at risk. So many of us need to make sacrifices. We need to change our practices big and small. Wouldn't it be wonderful if we all just stepped up to the plate. Why can't all of us; politicians, corporations, organizations, groups, family, and individuals, just study the wealth of information available and translate it into practice?

Glitch in the Works

My computer (MacPro) is having serious problems these days. It all started last year about this time, when I spilled a glass of bitter lemon over the laptop. Miraculously, after some "blow drying it while turning it upside down" it continued to work, though admittedly with some serious hiccups. I've been keeping my fingers crossed that the sticky keyboard and the kaputt DVD player were the only bugs. But, some major glitches have occurred. Most notably, my dear Photoshop program is not working, and thus my work on Lost Luggage collages is going to have to wait. Sorry guys, will let you know if anything changes (i.e., I win a lottery and can afford to buy and new laptop).

Rainy Autumn

Rainy cold autumn weather. Brunch in my favourite café with a good friend and my kids to boot. Long leisurely conversation about everything and nothing. Sat an for hour watching the passing pedestrians wrestle with their umbrellas and wrestled with our own dilemma of whether we should order another pot of tea or brave the elements. Tea won out.

Spreading the Joy

Lila Lily

This is one of the last of my flower series. I have one, perhaps two, more and then I will start on my Lost Luggage series. It is, at least in my mind, taking on form.

Flash Warning

I just had an inspiration for another series of collages and related stories. It is called "Missing Luggage". It will probably take a week or so to set up (lots of work on the table at the moment), but hopefully it will be worth the wait. The idea stems out of a dream I had this morning,

The dream takes place in some terminal (border crossing, bus terminal, airport) where a mixture of people are given the task of identifying and claiming their luggage from a large pile of missing luggage. No one is allowed to leave the room until all pieces of luggage have been identified. The mystery is, all people in the room believe they checked in one piece of luggage, but they also, unknowingly, brought one more piece of hidden luggage along as well. On each luggage there is a tag “now” or “then”. Depending upon their traveler's frame of mind, they are willing, even eager to claim one piece of luggage. Conflicting emotions arise when each passenger finally realises, or is forced to claim, the second piece of luggage.

Victorian Lace

Can anyone tell me the name of this beautiful flower?

Dudeism

A few months ago, I saw the film above and it really tickled me, because we happen to know The Dude personally. He works at our local video store and he actually signs the stores slips with The Dude. I thought I would surprise him by ordering him a t-shirt of Dudeism.

So, after a bit of a search, I managed to find a site, chose him one in "serene green", paid by credit card, and entered in my address. The order was dutifully processed, the company sent a confirmation that the order went out, the money was booked from my band account... and that was the last I heard of the t-shirt.

After a month or so, I finally decided to tell The Dude about the t-shirt, which he though was nice gesture, and we philosophised that maybe the whole point of Dudeism is to order the t-shirt, pay for it, and not get it in the end. Detachment.

Yesterday, I learnt that the whole point of Dudeism is to order the t-shirt, pay for it, and not get it, and just when it has all left your mind, it appears on your doorstep. The address sticker on the envelope did not have any space for country, so in hand writing there is "USA", and then "S. Africa", and then mysteriously, an official German "Priority" sticker. The Dude has really gone global.

In Brief

The guests came. They conquered the cake buffet. The sun shined the whole time. Coffee and tea were served. I don't know much more than that because it was one of those out of body experiences. I am definitely not a party queen, a gracious hostess, or master of smalltalk.

Lessons Learned

About half the people who said they would come were not able to (sent their apologies) or didn't show. This meant there was more cake than needed, though if everyone had shown up, I think we would have been a bit tight for cakes. So, next time, invite more people and bring cookies for when the cake runs out.

Because not everyone came to the event, the amount of people donating was less than expected. Note: make a Plan A and Plan B on what the money is needed for. Originally, I said we would use the money to make a down payment on land and to pay for two business training workshops. We'll be able to do the later, but not the former. Even if we don't have enough to make the down payment, we will be able to buy one or two family drip irrigation kits to help the families through the drought. It is perhaps best to aim for something incremental (irrigation kits) and not monumental (down payment on land).

Everyone came at the beginning of the afternoon. Our "operating system" (my kids and friends who came to help) was not up and running. Best, to ask for a few friends (guinea pigs) to show up beforehand, so the kids can get everything sorted about who is to do what when, and then have the real guests come.

Raffle was good. Need more little prizes.

Weather was great. No one wanted to sit indoors. This meant all the tables we had set and all the flowers we ordered, did not come to use. On the other hand, thinking about all those children running around in the restaurant instead of outdoors, gives me goosebumps. Not sure what I would do about this if there is a next time and the weather isn't as good.

Really liked the saxophone quartet who played out in front of the restaurant twice for a short period of time. They also got some of the kids and adults moving from the back of the terrace to the front. They also annoyed some funddy duddy who called the police for disturbing their peace. The police were very polite, if somewhat miffed, and left without telling us to stop the music. Admittedly, the quartet would have been too loud to play indoor if weather hadn't permitted it.

My kids and friends helping were just spectacular. Sevnja the waitress was phenomenal. Couldn't have done it without any of them.

Tomorrow's Tea Party

Tomorrow is the tea party fund raiser! Organising the event has been quite a learning experience indeed. This was supposed to be a modest, but serious attempt at raising money for a good cause (see below). It's turned out to be a bombastic and fun affair. I have no idea what is going to happen tomorrow, and perhaps it isn't really important, the main thing is just to flow with the moment. The original scenario was,

Expected guests: 20-30
Expected location: our apartment
Beverages offered: coffee and tea
Cakes: 2-3 (10 pieces/cake)
Expected helpers: me, myself, and I

Tomorrow's expected tea party scenario:

Expected guests: 100 (40 adults/40 children/20 teenagers)
Expected location: my favourite restaurant
Beverages offered: everything that Svenja from the restaurant can create from their industrial Italian espresso machine
Cakes: 13-15 (I've lost count)
Expected helpers: 8-10 (I've lost count)
Children's raffle: 35 prizes to win
Adult's raffle: 40 prizes to win
Entertainment: saxophone quartet from my children's school's big band

I'll have to tell you how the end scenario goes. If only two-thirds of the expected guests show up, it should be interesting since the restaurant only seats 40 people.

What I have learnt in these last weeks, is how kind and generous people are. The people at the restaurant, those people who have donated stupendous gifts for the raffles, all the housewives and students baking up a storm of homemade cakes, and my children's friends that think it will be a blast to spend six hours helping. Who would have known?

The funds donated from tomorrow's event will be going towards; small downpayment on some land for a new school, two best business training workshops at the end of October, and, if the money is sufficient, a few family drip irrigation kits. The workshops will concern possible small-scale gardening and farming business models. Since there is no existing farmers association in the Kimilili, we are trying to get online training information to two CBSM community members who have offered to supervise our garden vocational training program.

This year, the area around Kimilili suffered from food shortages due to a drought, and there is every indication that the situation will become even more severe next year. We are hoping to build a small network of people in Nairobi and Kimilili who will offer training to the people within the CBSM community about what they can do to assure proper harvesting. Their very existence depends upon the produce they grow in their household gardens.

Waterlily

Small World

I had a very surreal experience this afternoon when I went to get my hair cut. As I walked through the door of the salon, all the hairdressers turned and said hello (this is a normal practice when entering any shop), as did all the six customers they were cutting hair of. I knew all of the customers (a colleague, two friends, another shop owner, a friend of a friend, and an ex-neighbour), but none of them knew the other. This was a totally bizarre experience. For one instant, I had the feeling as if I was part of a waking dream.

P.S. Luebeck is small, but not that small. It has 250,000 residents.

Next Step

work contract runs out in a few months time/ trying to figure out the next step/ options do seem less feasible than they did even a few years ago/ friends deliver predictions or platitudes such as "you've always managed before" on my doorsteps/ or, some give up dire predictions about the finality of life on the job market/ nothing really is reassuring/ yet, I remain, for the most part, optimistic/ silly isn't it?