Waiting at the airport on my way to Dublin…
One of the blogs, and bloggers, I have come to like * is Karen at Chookooloonk. She recently asked her readers to write a little about themselves, particularly, stating whether we, her readers, are calm, peaceful, Zen type of persons or type-A, chaotic, extroverts. She’s the later and tends to attract the former when it comes to her choice of friends.
What started out as a simple question, “Are you type-Om or type-A?” has lead me over the last days into many different roads of thought.
One being…
If I had to answer this question honestly, I’d say that I am inwardly a closet-extrovert and outwardly a skating-on-thin-ice-but-remaining-composed person. Most people who know me, and surprisingly many of my closest friends, perceive me as being very calm and wise. Which is amazing, since my friends and I have had all sorts of intense personal conversations over the years.
No matter how often situations arise that prove the outward persona to be a fake, or how many times I vehemently deny being so, they persist in thinking I am so. Which has lead me to two conclusions: either they need me to be so and therefore, what the heck, I’ll just have to let them continue to believe in this illusion; or, through some strange internal mechanism or genetic programming this is the sort of aura I radiate, and though it is useful thing to radiate in the society I am living in, it is rather pathetic on another level.
What I would really like to be able to answer Karen is that I am “furchterregend” (exciting fear). I’d love to be so quick of spirit, sharp of word, and so mercilessly honest that when people think of meeting me for a cup of tea, they would tingle with anticipation that is a blend of excitement and fear. Ok, guys, you can sot laughing. I am serious. Can you see my dilemna? Can you understand who wide the gap is between these two personas?
*I know I’ve come to like a blogger when I jump down my Bloglines list to view their blog before I do the others. Normally, I just work my way alphabetically down.
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